Successful habits are never formed by pushing yourself to the limit. If that is the case, then you will just lose interest eventually and cease doing a particular activity. Author Andrew Kap believes that the best way to start rewarding habits is by determining all of the things you really love and want to do, and then start building from there. Sitting down with Jeffrey Edwards, he underlines the role of embracing the Law of Attraction and having a feeling of gratitude in creating an effective everyday routine. He also shares his concept of Perfect Ice Cream and a Gratitude Exercise for revisiting your goals.
Listen to the podcast here:
Andrew Kap On Learning Consistency Through Successful Habits
We have a special guest with us. He is the author of the book, The Last Law of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need to Read. He is an engaging person and has a lot of different ideas and new approaches to how we can look at personal care. Particularly, you think of being a leader, what are some of the implications that come to the line when we look at our own care from a physical and mental health perspective? Our guest has a good idea and some interesting techniques that would be applicable to you and helpful to you on your leadership journey. Welcome to our show, Mr. Andrew Kap.
Jeffrey, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Andrew, it’s wonderful to have you here. In reading your book title, one thing that stood out for me is that you’re finally addressing why people get excited about trying things but still can’t manage a habit of using the methods that they have developed. If they only stop and reflect on what is it that’s holding them back then they can take action. I appreciate you being on the show.
Thank you. Getting ahead of things, I am the guiltiest defender of being that person that stops and starts and doesn’t follow through on things even when they’re working. If I can share any of my own bumps and bruises and help save some people their own extra friction on that, I’m hoping I can do that.
I’m always curious as to what was the inspiration for you behind this book and particularly the topic itself?
It’s interesting because of my epiphany moment with the Law of Attraction and we’ll have to talk about making sure people are covered even until you don’t buy into it, which is fine. I’m an entrepreneur for over twenty years. I think entrepreneurs out there can relate to having to kill their own dinner. Whether you’re a salesperson at your own business, I know when people search for sales tactics, human psychology, positive mindset, different paradigms and modalities. Law of Attraction was one of many that seemed to interest me, make sense and click. I tried it out and I had my successes or failures with it. I did that for years.
I used to think the Law of Attraction was unreliable. I’d later find out I was the one who was unreliable because I would stop doing the stuff, even when it was working. I had a moment many years ago where I lost my first business and our relationship all within three days of one another, which is 90% of your life down the tubes. Neither is my decision. I was not a happy camper and for some reason, I got stubborn and indignant. I’m like, “I’ve got to do something. This Law of Attraction thing seems to work whenever I do it. I don’t care what happens, how it happens, when it happens or even why it happens. I’m going all-in with this thing once and for all.”
When I say all in, I don’t mean all day or every day. I understand human nature and that I’ll crack under that and won’t do it but I can do it once a day for five minutes a day. I could be stubborn enough to do that. Some people like, “This is crazy,” but the results I got one miraculous. Two weeks later, I felt better, which is saying a lot with a broken heart. Three months later, I’m in a brand-new relationship and way healthier. Four months later, I’m making more money than at any point in my life before then. Six months later, everything’s different. I’m in the best shape of my life. Everything’s running on all cylinders. Even back then, I didn’t think to write a book.
I didn’t choose to write this book until 2019, where I was deciding what I wanted to do next with my business. I said, “Let me finally do something, a passion project that I can hopefully speak to, that I can only serve people and that I won’t get restless or bored when customer emails are coming and ask me questions. Let me set the conditions so that I am fully engaged when a customer writes in that I’m going to be right on top of that. I’m not going to get bored or frustrated. I’m engaged with them. I’ll give them an answer. Hopefully, I’m going to be fulfilled in what I’m doing.” Fortunately, the formula has been working fine for me because I’ve never been happier in my business in 2020 in my life before. I know that’s a long-winded answer but that’s where I’m coming from on this.
In different circles that I’ve been around over the past years, I’ve heard that the term Law of Attraction. In some ways, it’ll come from my background in counseling psychology and also in organizational and personal development. It seems like there are some parallels. The elements of what I hear when people talk about is partly being mindful of what is going on within oneself. The second part is developing the confidence, strategy and motivation to take action and to have a focus point as to where you want to go. That’s why I would break it down. I’m curious, what are some insights into how you look at it from your perspective?
We should talk about, if I may, the elephant in the room first because people reading, they’re like, “I am on board with this.” Some people are like, “This is BS. This doesn’t work. Why do I even want to read?” The best way to focus is to take on first that mindset. I like to relate it to physicality. Let’s take a non-Law of Attraction and non-esoteric example of lifting weights to get muscles. You lift weights, you get muscles. It’s oversimplified. Jeffrey, I’ll give you two possible explanations as to how this happens, even though there might be more. Explanation number one is you lift weights. When you go to sleep at night, the muscle fairy comes and gives you muscles.
The second explanation is when you’re working out, you’re putting stress on your body that the muscles are tearing in little parts and your body responds by healing and filling in those gaps with more muscle fiber. That’s also oversimplified but I’m sure people will be like, “That’s the way.” To answer your question about my perspective on all this is that it doesn’t matter which of those reasons it is. All I know is that if I lift weights, I get muscles. I put in X, I get Y. If I do the Law of Attraction and gratitude, visualization or scripting techniques, it could be the universe, my subconscious mind or a combination or something else. All I know is I put that into that and I get out a result. I explained the Law of Attraction because it makes perfect sense for me. If people find themselves doing gratitude exercises for a month, they will get these results that they won’t be able to explain. All I care about is doing something fun, enjoyable and that keeps me on point so that I get a positive result and I can enjoy my life more.
In the work that you do, where do you see the areas where people are hurting? Do you feel that they can benefit from taking that step back and shifting their mindset or create a new way of thinking and being for them to move forward with a little more ease and flexibility as well?
The first thing they have to do is address the block that’s there so that they can engage in it. Bear with me with my oversimplification. To clinical psychologists out there, I’m butchering definitions here. The way I see it is we have three minds. You’ve got the conscious, the subconscious and the ego right in the middle. As I define it, the ego is being way stronger than the conscious mind, which is why people have so much trouble but the subconscious mind is way stronger than everything. The ego has only one job and that’s to keep you alive. With your money, your career, your relationship and even your health problems, all your ego knows on a simplified level is that you are alive and it’s going to fight tooth and nail to keep you there, which is why people don’t stick with routines.
Why they talk themselves out of it, why they procrastinate, why they have fear, uncertainty, doubt and things of that nature, that’s the ego in a misguided way. It loves you. It’s trying to protect you from that other result because you may want to be rich and famous but for all the ego knows is when you’re famous, there might be a stalker waiting for you throughout your survival. For all the ego knows as you get money, your in-laws are going to come out of the woodwork and try to take your money from you throughout your survival. The ego knows it doesn’t care about your satisfaction, your comfort, your fulfillment and anything like that. It knows you’re alive. It wants to stick to it.
In terms of the way people struggle is they become impatient with their lives. They don’t understand why things aren’t working. What I discovered for myself, fortunately, what they don’t realize is that if you can bypass the ego to the subconscious mind through methods that you enjoy that doesn’t feel like a chore. Instead of choice, gratitude methods for five minutes a day, visualization or whatever, that is the key element to getting around this. You wake up one day and you feel a little bit better and then the next day you feel a little bit better. This is important for entrepreneurs because when you feel better, you’re more energized, focused and engaged. All of a sudden, your business starts to boom because you’re making better, sounder, more intelligent and more productive decisions.
I want to dive a little more when you talk about the techniques because it’s important. We’re speaking to some tangible, practical actions that you can take each day. As you mentioned in your book, this is five minutes a day that can get you back on track. You can speak to some of the techniques that you may practice or things that you’ve been exposed to in your life.One of the keys to success is consistency. Click To Tweet
I could teach my favorite one. The one that made a difference for me, at least in the money part, when things weren’t going so well and then they turned around. I call this the time-lapse method. It’s simple. It’s a gratitude exercise where you write fifteen things that you’re grateful for. Five of them are from your past, five of them are from your present and five are things that you want in your future. You’re going to phrase every single one in the present tense in your list and then you’re going to jumble up that list. Maybe the first thing on your list is a presentation followed by a future, followed by a past, another past, all mixed up. What you’re going to do is you read through that list one item at a time. You can take 20 to 60 seconds to feel gratitude for it.
The cool, powerful thing about this is that two-thirds of that list is real. It’s already happened or happening. Meaning there’s a certainty, confidence, energy and enthusiasm that you carry over with that, that you can’t force and manipulate. We as humans don’t downshift easily. You’re tricking your vibration, your psychology or however you want to look into it to have the same confidence, certainty and enthusiasm when you’re reading those five future items that are dispersed throughout the list. It’s a wonderfully enjoyable experience. It takes a few minutes. For people that say, “This is BS. It won’t work.” I say, “Call me a liar and deluded but even if the result doesn’t come, the five minutes that you’re taking at that moment are healthy and good for your mental fitness. It’s five minutes where you’re feeling good about yourself and you’re not worrying about your taxes, your task list, your relationship or whatever.” Scientific studies have proven that gratitude improves sleep, reduces anxiety and increases confidence. There are all these wins where even if I’m wrong and you don’t get the Law of Attraction, a huge benefit, you get at the moment where you’re doing this each day.
There’s a lot more research I find in the area of positive psychology that speaks to some of the techniques that you’ve identified. Mindfulness is another one where it’s being aware of what’s going on in yourself and how you’re thinking. Knowing what is going on in the moment to bring you to a closer point of consciousness to what’s important, what’s a priority, what’s the focus, what’s the next step for you. It’s another element to what you’re describing here.
You articulated something that the beauty in all of this is everything is related. You’re solving one issue. It auto-corrects other things. You’re being aware in a positive mindset and gratitude becomes automatic or vice versa. Any forward direction you take in any element with your mental fitness and health is going to bleed over into other areas without you even trying. That’s why I love it.
In your book, you speak to the approach. How do you start this? You speak to the perfect ice cream. I read through it like, “This is perfect.” I wrote it down for myself because I’m going to use this for the time where you’re like, “The new year’s coming and people have all these great intentions but things seem to always fall short somehow or some way.” I’m curious, can you explain and expand upon how does the perfect ice cream strategy help to sustain success over time?
For anyone that wants to read this without spending money, Amazon has a free preview and this is from the intro. You can read this for free if you want. The whole thing about the perfect ice cream is I was using the example of people going to the gym, working out and having all these excuses as to why they don’t keep doing it, which will relate to the Law of Attraction or any positive habit you want to get into. Let’s say you walked up to someone in the gym and you said, “I’ve got the perfect ice cream here. It’s got all the positive qualities of ice cream and none of the negative. If you have one spoonful a day, it’s going to give you the perfect body. You’re going to have lean muscle mass and whatever you want for your perfect body.”
If I eat ice cream each day, I can have the perfect body? It seems like I’m a win-win here. I’m loving it.
Anyone that doesn’t like ice cream, it could be pizza or cookies. A bite of a pizza slice, a bite of a cookie. I’m doing a small spoonful of something. What I’m trying to articulate is one of the keys to success is consistency. One of the keys to consistency isn’t doing something that doesn’t feel like an uphill battle. You just demonstrated it. Thank you, Jeffrey. If you give someone that offer, they’re going to do it every day because, one, it’s something they look forward to. Two, it’s fun, which makes sense because of number one. Three, it’s easily consumable. It’s not like you have to eat a whole carton of ice cream. It’s a spoonful.
I relate that to a five-minute thing a day. It’s five minutes and hopefully, it’s fun where you look forward to it. The whole key whether it’s my book someone else’s book or someone’s YouTube channel, it is finding a mental exercise that you enjoy, that you look forward to and that doesn’t take long so that you don’t have to worry about it. It doesn’t feel like you’re gritting your teeth and you have to do it. It feels like you get to do it and it becomes an automatic part of your routine effortlessly. That’s what I’m going for with it.
When you were on your personal journey, you create that consistency in your life because it’s often the case where me wanting to jump five feet forward and get back right into the game as quickly as possible versus taking your time to get in. I was curious about your experience with that.
I was fortunate that did not become a part of my mental conversation because I was defeated. I was at that indignant place of, “I don’t care how long this takes, when it happens or even what happens. All I know is this is not working right now and this thing I used to do work.” Without even meaning to, I took the deadline out and requirements out of the equation, which I realize isn’t easy. I was fortunate in that I was mad at myself and the way my life was going that I was able to do this for at least a month. Since I was already seeing results, the results became the affirmation and the excuse to keep going.
There are people who want something fast. They want it right now. We’re in an instant gratification world to whatever measure you can, let the results come. Be intentional about what you want but don’t make it a forced requirement where if it doesn’t happen in two weeks, you’re a failure all of a sudden. You’ve got to give yourself some wiggle room. You got to leave a little bit of space to do it and the best reason to do it is that it will work that way. You will notice that if you try to force it, it pushes you back further. The recognition of forcing it and pushing you back should hopefully be enough reason to say, “Let me scale back a little bit and be as relaxed as possible and invite this in how it’s going to come for me.”
You can move forward but there’s always going to be that setback. It sounds like part of it is giving yourself permission to set back and it’s in the setback that forms a reset for yourself as well. To refocus, plan and visualize what that next step is going to be and then allowing you that time to get back on your path.Bypass the ego to the subconscious mind through methods that you enjoy and don't feel like a chore. Click To Tweet
I could be wrong about this stuff but I see setbacks from the lens of, “This setback is holding me back now for a better opportunity.” Let’s say you want that house. You put in a bid for it. Someone else bids higher and you don’t get the house. You’re like, “That was the perfect house.” What you don’t realize is if you maintain a good attitude, maybe an even better house that’s even larger, lower taxes, a better commute for work is a month away. If you’d known that, you will get excited that someone outbids you. I’m using that as an example in life but this comes in business. Maybe a client is stolen from you but you don’t realize that they are a high-end client that’s going to be difficult. It leaves you open for three new clients that are going to pay you way more money, be way easier to work with and help you expand your business.
We don’t like these setbacks when they happen. They are not fun. We can’t see how it’s going to work out but I choose to keep myself in the mind frame of, “If I have to go through this, let me believe. Let me embrace reality and the possibilities that something better comes out of this.” I don’t know if that’s going to be consistent but so far it has been. I don’t know if this is the right term but it’s like a consistency bias or confirmation bias. If it keeps happening and working, I’m going to stick with it until it doesn’t.
In some of the conversations that I’ve had with leaders in the field, I’m thinking they’re going to ask me, “What do I need to do each day to create consistency for this to become more of a habit in my everyday practice versus something that happens sporadically?”
I had the gift of being frustrated where I was going to do this for at least a month, no matter what, if not longer. They’ve got to be motivated at least enough to experiment and try out different techniques. My book someone else’s book or someone else’s YouTube channel, try different things until you find one you like. The gratitude method that you like becomes the way the pathway by which you stay consistent because it’s fun and easy. It’s that spoonful of ice cream. What I advise is for people to find their spoonful of ice cream in the context of healthy mental exercises like gratitude or visualization. When you have that, maintaining the consistency becomes easy, fun, enjoyable and something that they’re motivated to do for the method in and of itself. That’s where the magic is created. You can make this an uphill battle and then try to struggle your way through it. In my own life experience, it never lasted because of that until I found something that I enjoy.
In addition to gratitude and visualization, which you mention as being another one, what are some other techniques that you would recommend or suggest that people could look into and try out for themselves?
The other main thing that I go into my book, I called it scripting, which is journaling your life in the present tense and as if you’re already living your dream life. You’re writing, typing or if you don’t like to write or type, even speaking like recording all great things. For example, I call it the two years from now method where I’m in this moment, it’s December 2020. I imagine myself, it’s December 2022 and I’m leaving a message whether it’s over the phone or I’m writing it down to myself from two years ago because two years is plausible that all this stuff can happen. I talk about all the great things that have happened in my life.
It’s like, “Andrew, you won’t believe what you have to look forward to. That conversation with Jeffrey led to all these other interviews. Now you’re getting podcast interviews every day. You’re getting even more book sales, more five-star reviews on top of the ones that you already have. You’re getting enthusiasm and you’re helping many people.” I’m even doing that wrong, I say, “I’m helping people. I’m doing this.” I put myself in it. I’m writing this down. I do this every day. I don’t do it this way but I leave a message of gratitude every day to a friend, he leaves his back to me, there’s social pressure in there and we have to keep leaving this. I don’t have time to script, write or type. That’s not my style but some people do. That’s the beauty. You make it your own.
You do what works for you because the bottom line is all you need to be doing is thinking about what you have, what you want or both while feeling good. Any method that lets you do that is the right method for you. Any way you do that lets you do that is the right way to do it. You hijack and you have an even better vision. That’s what I should be saying because that’s what it is. I went on this show that not only was it a high level but it rose up with me there. Every time I looked to my side and I had my million new subscribers, I saw a million new followers on that one also and it was the greatest thing. I and Jeffrey are connected to this day. We now exchange messages. Every time we get another million people, we tell each other. It’s a good time, it’s all in good fun and it’s the most wonderful way to experience my business. I’m grateful for it.
One of the key things you mentioned as well is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be exercise done alone. Do it with other people. There’s some energy when you have someone that you can relate to in some way that can also provide you feedback. There are synergy and energy that helps each person stay on track and stay accountable as well.
A lot of leaders out there will relate and appreciate this. Something I learned from Eben Pagan is inevitability thinking, how do you set the conditions so that your result is inevitable? One of the reasons that I have this daily routine with my friend is because we as humans tend to let ourselves down way easier than we let other people down that we care about. There’s this social obligation embedded in this relationship where I have to leave him a message, otherwise, I’m not being a good friend. Also, the beauty of that which you are starting to speak to is sometimes he’ll leave a message first and sometimes I’ll leave a message first. It fuels each other. When I hear his message first, not only am I talking about the stuff that I’m grateful for but I’m commenting on all the good news that he gave me and vice versa.
We’ve been doing this for several years. Before I wrote the book, he’s heard every update about the book and every real legit five-star review. I don’t share personal details from people that write in but anytime I get a good email from someone that they were helped out of a bind through the material, I tell him about it. He hears all this stuff and I hear about his progress. There’s a beauty in that that keeps people motivated and engaged. That’s a number one thing. If you’re motivated and engaged and you’re having a good time, you’re going to keep doing it and it’s going to get better and better for you.
I look at that next step is we head into a whole new cycle in the upcoming year that needs to get ahead of the curve and to put things in motion for ourselves. In your opinion, what would be a good first step for someone who is against it, why do they get started and work on themselves?Setbacks can be turned to your advantage and seen as an opportunity. Click To Tweet
They technically already took the good first step by reading your show and by being a reader of yours because I gave them a free method. In fact, I gave them a couple of free methods. I’d say, “If you want to give me money and buy my book, by all means, please do it. I’m never going to say no to that but you got the free keys to the castle where pick any of these methods and experiment with them and see if they feel good to you.” In my life, gratitude is the first step. It’s like a buzz term where people don’t appreciate the power of it because it gets overexposed in the marketplace and people talking about it. If people are earnest and give themselves a chance to enjoy it a little bit every day, they will be pleasantly surprised by things starting to shape out the right way for them. If nothing else, they’re going to feel good for those five minutes each day and if they do at the beginning of the day or the end of the day, it either sets the tone for a good day ahead, a good night’s sleep or both.
Taking consistent action each day moving forward is the key.
Find that thing that you can do. Don’t say, “I’m going to bench press 400 pounds every day,” if you can’t do it. Let’s say you do it on day one, your muscles going to hurt too much on day two. All of a sudden, you’ve broken the habit. Do something fun and easy that you can do every single day and let the momentum carry its own weight for you.
I want to thank you. It’s been an interesting conversation and I appreciate your perspective on this topic. How do you stay in a healthy state? What are some ways to help you stay on track, moving forward in life and also in your career?
Thank you for having me. For people that are reading, they get the show here but I got the backstage pass before this. It comes as no surprise to people how intentional you are about making this a high-quality show for people. I take it as high praise and the high compliment that you have me on for this format. I’m truly grateful for what you’re doing with this show. I’m jealous of your readers. It’s gotten your stuff already. I can’t wait to read this myself. I mean it. I’m not blowing smoke. Thank you for letting me be a part of this experience for people and share this content with them.
I appreciate your kind words as well. Andrew has the book on Amazon and he is a number one bestseller, The Last Law of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need to Read. We are truly grateful for having you on the show. All the best in the future and I look forward to the next time. As we go forward, wishing you all the best and remember, be good and lead well.
About Andrew Kap
Andrew Kap holds one goal above all others through his various projects: Genuine sustainable impact. His latest offering, “The Last Law of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need To Read” offers readers a never-before-seen understanding of the topic.
A #1 Best Seller on Amazon, the book has received hundreds of 5-star rave reviews and a growing YouTube channel devoted to it.
Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!
Join The Leader’s Chair Community today: